Who is “angelDC”?
“angelDC” is the username I started using in my online accounts right after I graduated from college. It’s from the combination of my high school girl crush and my initials. Childish, I know.
It’s also the username I used to publish my online stories – fan fictions, to be exact. I started in the anime fandom then moved into the KPOP fandom. I had OTPs (or “one true pairs“) and learned all fan fiction vocabulary.
It was during high school when I read my first fan fictions. However, it was in college when I wrote my first fan fiction. I was bored in class that time and I had plenty of time to put together a story. The outcome was clumsy and cringe-y, but at that time, I was proud of it. My first ever story was innocent. The next stories, however, were not so much.
I quickly jumped to BL fan fictions (stories about boys falling in love with each other). At first, they were just cute and sweet stories or what fan fiction classifies as “fluff.” When I moved into the KPOP fandom, the stories turned darker. I wrote about underage sex, third parties, rape, and all those stuff. I got into writing these things. It was awkward at first, but I got used to it that they became accurate and more graphic.
I was in a middle of multi-chapter fan fictions a year ago when I just lost all the ideas I had for them. At first, I thought I was just having a writer’s block, but weeks turned into months without writing and I was in a sort of panic. It didn’t help that I was thinking of publishing a book already. At that time, I believed writing was all I have. Writing was what makes me special. It was my gift. If I lose it, I would be nothing.
However, it was during that time when I was led back to God. I filled the emptiness with Him. I started reading the Bible and going to church. That’s when I became guilty about how I’ve been writing. I know I’m good at writing. My readers told me so. Even though my skills with writing showed up late, I know it was my forte. Writing was my gift. It was God’s gift to me but I misused it.
After spending time with God through devotions, cell groups, Bible readings and Sunday services, my perspective regarding a lot of things changed a lot. I learned about the what I have been doing wrong. I realized I have been using my gift to spread the wrong things. After that realization, I welcomed the writer’s block and decided that I would no longer write any more fan fictions.
Thus, I needed to put this username to rest now. It’s not me anymore. I changed the usernames of my Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr accounts into something else. Also, I have decided to delete all my fan fictions from the Internet as well as the Asianfanfics, Livejournal and Fanfiction.net accounts where these fan fictions were posted.
I have also made a vow to myself to no longer read stories – books and fan fictions alike – with themes of LGBT, mental issues and sex. Though, I have to admit it’s a tough battle. The itch to dive into that world is very strong. At some days, the urge wins over me. I was supposed to delete the fan fictions weeks ago, but I find it hard to say goodbye to them. Bad as they are, I still worked hard on them.
However, tonight, it’s going to end.
I have faith that I will be able to write new stuff again and, this time, God will write them with me. They’re going to be better than my old material. Writing with God is better than writing by myself.
P.S. Links will be dead by the time this post is published.
ink blot trails 