I have to admit that 2017 ended in a not-so high note for me. Yes, the last month was uplifting and hopeful, but majority of the last quarter was all tears, anger, pain, hurt, and frustration. It was so unbearable to the point that I wasn’t looking forward to 2018, because I thought none of the things that are weighing me down would come to an end.
However, God is gracious and merciful. He gifted me strength, courage, wisdom, faith, hope, joy, peace, protection, and love on my birthday last December. All of the sudden, I could breathe, smile, and laugh again. Even though my 29th birthday wasn’t how I hoped it was, He still gave me the best presents I could ever have at that time.
Due to His gifts, I was able to anticipate 2018 with a bit of excitement (
there was one thing that made me want to cling onto 2017, but He also took care of that at the nick of time). I even made some resolutions. Simple ones. Like I intend to wear colorful and stylish clothes (I mostly have simple blouses with neutral colors in my wardrobe – I want more color! I blame this from watching too much Gossip Girl, but I just have to achieve even the tip of the casual!Serena van der Woodsen style). I also hope to learn how to use makeup ( yes, at 29, I still really suck at it). So, before 2017 ended, I dragged my older sister to the nearby thrift shops to look for cute clothes and I shopped for a pair of shoes and bag at the trade sale at some mall. As for the makeup part, I have yet to talk to one of my friends who’s a makeup expert.
Another resolution is an old one – to write more often. Though I did better last year, I still suck compared to the goal I have set.
I wasn’t even able to write about my Taipei trip, my high school friend’s wedding, my experience at Kim Jaejoong’s fan meeting here in Manila, and…my thoughts about Kim Jonghyun’s suicide. Among other things. I wasn’t able to write about my struggles also and my realizations from those struggles. I hope I could do better this year. I don’t know how but I will try again. I also hope I could write about the things I mentioned above even though they’re already overdue.
Lastly, at the beginning of this year, I found myself praying for something – that, this 2018, may there be more of God and less of me. I’m fully committing to let go and let God control every single aspect of my life starting this year. As Carrie Underwood had sung over a decade ago, “Jesus take the wheel.” No more arguing, no more fighting, no more pushing and pulling. I intend to walk in obedience to God this time, to wholeheartedly pursue a holy life like God wants us to do. It won’t be easy, but at this point of my life, it’s important for me to have God’s presence at all times and I can only do that if I stopped falling into unfaithfulness.
There are a lot of unknowns this year. I have some plans and I have no idea how they will transpire. By Monday, I’ll be handing my resignation and I don’t know where I can possibly end up next. There’s also pursuing a master’s degree at my dream school, which so happens to be one of the most expensive universities in the country and I still have ZERO savings for that. So, I have nothing right now except to entrust everything to God because, with Him, nothing’s impossible and I have learned that if we follow God’s path for our lives, there’s nothing but good things for us along the journey.
“And David became more and more powerful,
because the Lord Almighty was with him.”
(1 Chronicles 11:9 NIV)